Sensual Massage Q and A

They both use the same arousal and desire techniques but tantric focuses on the spiritual and has controversial theories around sexual energy. It believes that it is possible for the "wrong kind of orgasm" to result in that energy being "lost". I guess you could say it is a bit more of a belief system than a massage style.

Tantric principles as pillars of a fulfilling life have been around for a few thousand years. Indeed, yoga is based upon tantra. However, it was only applied to sensual massage a few decades ago, so could be called New Age, with special labels for genitalia: "lingam" and "yoni" that few have heard of. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with it and it's a simply a different approach to sensual massage; it tries to apply a "standard theory" to human arousal and desire mechanisms whereas we are each unique in our responses. Something I do love is the focus on breathing techniques, mindfulness and vocalisation to stimulate the vagus nerve.

In tantric massage for men, there can be an intention of denying ejaculatory orgasm even though most men quite naturally find ejaculatory orgasm a very important part of arousal cycle - I do. There is no scientific evidence to demonstrate that ejaculation weakens men, as is often claimed. There is, however, lots of research to demonstrate that it is essential for physical and emotional well-being(see below). That is not to say that you won't have an orgasm and, for sure, you will be edged in a most delicious way. It is very important to confirm they will try for an orgasm.

In tantric, there is sometimes an unexplained focus on orgasms that originate from deep vaginal stimulation. The clitoris is involved in all genital stimulation orgasms because it is a large and complex organ, and not just the glans you see on the outside. Focusing on this method of orgasm is unhelpful because it implies that men should aim to provide orgasms from penetration in order to properly satisfy. Only 25% of women have orgasms this way but research indicates that 94% of woman achieve orgasm when anal penetration and vulva stimulation are combined. Confirm that your tantra person will do what you want before paying.

My slightly biased advice is to take a sensual massage where we call a cock a cock and don't think that people want to be told how to enjoy their orgasm. If you like the idea of a more spiritual approach, then try tantric afterwards and compare.

Sensual massage has been practiced for the whole of human existence. It focuses on humanism and the promotion of pleasure and desire, however experienced in the body and mind. It is not prescriptive or mystical and seeks to encourage orgasm and ejaculation for both sexes, treating them as equally sensual beings with very similar arousal systems. Importantly, it doesn't try to tell you how you should enjoy sexual stimulation and release. All sexual bodily functions and fluids have direct analogues between the sexes, just different configurations. The key variations between men and women are (generally but not universally):

• Different overlaps between emotional and physical arousal. In women it's about 25% and in men 50%. It's called non-concordance and explains why men and women have different paths to sexual desire. Women tend to get physically aroused in a far wider range of circumstances than men without desiring sex and in the narrower range where men get physically aroused they are much more likely to experience desire alongside it. Both want an emotional connection but women tend to need it earlier in the path to sex.

• Different refractory periods following orgasm. Most women have a shorter refractory period following than men so I'll give you many orgasms. I keep men on the twitching "edge"(at around 6/10) so that you orgasm(7 = "point of no return") very intensely at the end.

• Women often hold back from squirting during arousal because they imagine that peeing during sex is taboo(the bulk of the fluid released is, indeed pee according to latest research but so what?). I encourage women to relax and let go because it is a natural arousal response and enhances the experience because you are not anxious. Apparently, some women also ejaculate at orgasm(I haven't noticed it yet) and the fluid has pretty much the same consistency and composition as semen. Squirting is not the same as ejaculating and there is nothing wrong with you if you do neither. Lubrication fluid is not the same stuff as either, and is analogous to "pre-cum" in men.

Yes, taking a sensual massage is erotic in the sense it uses erotic arousal to relax and enhance the pleasure of letting go.

The massage can be regarded as sexual in the sense that the intention is to incorporate orgasm in to the experience. It simulates the whole sexual arousal process - what pioneering sex researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson categorised as The Excitement Phase, the Plateau Phase, the Orgasmic Phase, the Resolution Phase.

The massage is given as an intimate therapeutic treatment rather than a sexual encounter.

Yes, since an authentic sensual masseur should also have proper training in bodywork massage.

Sports and Swedish massage modalities are too emotionally disconnected to mesh well with sensual. Always check to see they are properly trained in bodywork and ask when and where so you can verify. Sensual massage is unregulated and so it is down to you to carry out due diligence. There are many "have a go Joes" with no ethics or training.

A sensual massage is given with a genuine sense of care and intimacy – incorporating relaxation, pleasure, and arousal of the body.

It combines traditional therapeutic massage with intended sensual arousal and erotic stimulation to usually but not necessarily, include orgasm.

Receiving a sensual massage produces instant physical and emotional benefits.

When we are touched and particularly when receiving sensual arousing touch, remarkable things happen to our bodies. 

Doctors and scientific research are increasingly discovering the amazing effectiveness to health and well-being that regular sexual arousal produces. Here are some facts.

• Intimate stimulation of the body triggers the production of 'love hormone' oxytocin
• Endorphins are natural mood-boosters
• They stimulate immune system cells that fight disease and are stress relievers
• Enthusiastic erotic arousal and orgasm is aerobic exercise