Tailored sensual play workshop: 4.5 hours for £500

Embodiment practice seeks to overcome unhelpful fight or flight responses to triggering situations by noticing how and where in the body the feelings manifest and then "breathing into them" in order to calm yourself where you can behave more rationally and embrace opportunities to connect that you would normally reject. It also encourages you to remain mindful of your own feelings and emotions as you move into deeper physical connection. In sex, this helps us not to go straight into "automatic" mode and loose all sense of our own bodily sensations and pleasure.

Exercises where I diagnose where any unhelpful dynamics exist that block you from progressing to intimate touch. I ask you in try to physically connect with me(and one another), whilst standing face-to-face and watch what happens to your body(s). It reveals where the issues lie without you speaking.

I demonstrate how you can overcome the issues by instructing you to act out new strategies to build trusting connection using techniques such as eye-gazing and mutual chest pressing.

The work we do in this first section is key to everything that follows.

Discussion of transparency, listening and acceptance between sexual partners in order to engender trust and closeness. Examples and exercises to demonstrate effective conflict resolution that brings your closer together instead of pushing you apart.

Discussion of the work of Dr John Gottman and his "Relationship Lab" to identify the key attributes of a strong and enduring partnership.

Discussion of "shadows" and "triggers"; what they are, how they affect our behaviour and what they tell us about ourselves.

The use of breath-work to to overcome our habitual the "fight-or-flight" responses to triggers such as being touched by strangers or asking for touch.

The orgasm gap refers to the typical difference that men and women experience in reaching orgasm. I will explain the science behind it. If you come with someone, I can explore any mismatches you may have your relationship and close the gap for you.

Being a sensual masseur, I have first hand experience with helping my clients reach satisfying orgasms by tuning into what they need and adjusting my technique. I have had female clients who can't remember the last time they orgasmed, enjoying multiple peaks at my hands for the first time in their lives. I also know how to keep men who normally have problems with premature orgasm at the "edge" for 30 minutes or more so that they experience a full-body O for the first time.

We all have different overlaps between physical and mental arousal(concordance), with men typically at 50% and women just 10%. It means that women usually have more emotional blockers to be overcome before feeling horny enough, even though they tend to get wet and swollen fairly readily. It is much miss-understood by men and women alike.

I will find out where each of you sit in your non-concordance by asking you some questions and then talk about how your approach to sex might change to make things hornier in bed. I will demonstrate some hands-on sensual massage techniques to up your foreplay skills. 

This is where the name SkinMap came from.

Discussion of The Wheel Of Consent then exercises such as the three minute game on the massage table to explore and discover how and where each of you like to be touched and where using various sensory toys and devices. Emphasis on asking for and giving consent to touch and be touched and giving clear feedback.

We will use devices and toys such as cock-rings, vibrators, dildos butt-plugs etc.
We will explore temperature play, to add a whole new dimension.

I ask you to score the pleasure intensity of each kind of touch to build a unique pleasure map of your body with a 1-10 grading system.

Exploration of your non-genital and  genital, anatomy - naming different areas and locating and stimulating yours together(hand mirror for owner!). Learning and sharing what feels good for you by using feedback as you are touched by yourself and me/us. I encourage you to show me/us how you masturbate as it is a valuable guide for your partner and to lead the following section.

Exercises in manual sensual/sexual arousal techniques with the giver using just their hands and body. I will share with you some cock, balls, perineum, prostate and pussy massage techniques you may not have used before and show how variations in what you do, how hard and how quickly are key to building arousal. Lots of lube is always key. We will draw on what we discovered about you from the previous section around toys, temperature play etc.

* Exercises in oral sensual/sexual arousal techniques. Emphasis on gradual, teasing journey down, eye-to-eye connection, checking in verbally to find out what is working, praising the genitals, making sounds and variation of pressure and motion of tongue, teeth and lips. Use of suction and vibration of the lips to make a mouth "vibrator". We will bring temperature play to this as well.

* Exercises in penetrative sex with a focus on maximising erotic sensations for your anatomy and fit together. Penis, vulva and vagina shapes and sizes vary enormously and so each coupling is unique.

Foot note

* If you come alone then to be by manual demonstration only, on your body and/or with the aid of fruit!

Discussing group sex; how to bring it up safely.

Determining whether your relationship is ready for group sex(see first section).

How using a safe, professional sensual massage service like mine to tip your toe into how a threesome might feel is invaluable.

Using porn and fantasy sharing as a sexy way to explore it further.

Emotional and practical preparation together.

Finding people to do it with. Including a frank discussion of what sex parties can be like.

The danger of having too high expectations or acting independently.

Exploration of the importance of dominance and submission and why it is so important to heighten arousal and orgasm for most.

Play with temperature 

Rough sex done safely, with an emphasis on clear consent

How Dirty talk before and during sex can boost your arousal and excitement by heightening expectation and fantasy. Using dirty talk connects us with and ignites our "animal" brain directly - that part that we normally feel disgusted by. All of us need do this to make sex the raw, urgent activity it needs to be for us to really enjoy it and make the release of orgasm more intense and satisfying.

Bondage, kink and role-play including the importance of sensory deprivation in foreplay and fantasy. I'll ask each of you to select a top role-play fantasy and then help you to realise it in the room together for one-another. I am experienced in improvisational comedy. 

How watching porn and discussing fantasies is an important and normal aspect of communication within a healthy relationship, contrary to popular belief.

Discussion of jealousy and how it can be seen as an opportunity for growth and exploration instead of a destructive emotion that triggers crisis.

Cheating and how it can be overcome if the reasons it happens are explored instead of a focus only on agreement-breaking and betrayal. 

In order to able to integrate what you learn and experience into your life, you will initially need to be able to create your own "space" for practising it outside of the workshop. Otherwise you will probably just go back to old habits.

I am not talking about a physical space, but a mental space that you can(both) be in that recreates the feelings and desires you had during the workshop exercises.

Once you have managed to do this a few times at home, it will become integrated in your brains as your new normal behaviours in intimate situations.

We will discuss and agree what you need to do to create your own integration environment so that you are truly improved in your intimate behaviours forever - a new playful, innocent you that will radiate out to all other aspects of your relating too.