I am a proven expert at arousing male and female clients to orgasm in a mindful, slow, shamelessly sexy and non-clinical way. We take the journey together and I allow clients to caress me back, always at a level of their chosing and with my consent. During such massage sessions, clients frequently share intimate details of their sex-lives and ask me for sex guidance because they form a trusting bond with me without viewing me as aloof. Kinkly have an excellent blog post on the rise of sex workers as educators. I am not a trained sex therapist and so can not offer such, and especially not around specialist areas such as trauma.
Your in-person, intimacy coaching workshop in Brighton is for one or two(partners or friends) of you and one(or both) must be a past massage client). There is an emphasis on innocent play and fun, sexy exploration - leave your "adult" life at the door and embrace your inner child(bit hippy, but I like it). I will deliver your unique sessions as three, 90 minute visits to my safe, comfortable flat in a suburban street. Once designed and paid for, organise your own sessions on the Services Page(even rescheduling them yourselves, if other plans change).
In general, you must choose a mature intimacy coach with decades of personal relationship experience over someone with a long list of academic qualifications and industry certifications but little and short personal life and relationship experience. They may even be just plain unethical. Choose one who is happy working with all men and women equally because choosing someone who hasn't bothered to do all-important personal "shadow work" will damage your ability to relate too. The other thing is to consider how authentic they sound. Do they come across as mature, professional and sexy or simply childish and over-familiar - all things to consider and, of course you may like the "hey gorgeous!" approach. Horses for courses.
It is important that you read more about me before going further and do look at the texts that have inspired my work and personal life.
I have made an informed(and perhaps controversial) decision not to be constrained by the arbitrary and conservative limits of The Sexological Bodyworker's Code of Ethics, in particular, the following paragraph that would artificially restrict our scope when discussing and agreeing boundaries. My reason is that at the end of my intimate, 2-way touch sensual massage sessions, clients frequently share details of their sex-lives and seek my advice.
"In group or individual sessions we remain clothed when touching our students and touching is unidirectional. We request that our students bring their partners when they wish to learn interpersonal erotic skills or invite them to share and learn with other students when appropriate"
I am, of course, entirely happy to agree to that clause up front because it is important that you feel safe, relaxed and comfortable with the level of intimacy. You are free to change your mind having met me though; it is your workshop.
Another important factor for you is that, because I don't have to cover membership fees and imposed "training" costs, I am around £300 cheaper for six hours of therapy with many more options for you.
Sex stuff is best learned in a sexy environment! So when you come to me. I make it relaxed, light-hearted and unashamedly sexy and exciting instead of clinical, patronising or aloof. I don't wear blue gloves or insist I wear clothes, whilst you are naked because it is important that we mirror body-confidence. It also gives you the opportunity to dip a toe into how a group sex dynamic might feel, in a safe, professional setting.
I will not engage in sex with you as I don't offer it within the context of this service. I do offer escorting as a distinct service from this.
(but not what you want), to spice up the rest of your life.
Then, we can discuss and agree what you need, because that's my job, so firstly I need to speak to you with your clothes on for about 30 minutes(FOC) in a Telegram, Skype or Zoom video call. Start with a message if you like or...
Embodiment practice seeks to overcome unhelpful fight or flight responses to triggering situations by noticing how and where in the body the feelings manifest and then "breathing into them" in order to calm yourself where you can behave more rationally and embrace opportunities to connect that you would normally reject. It also encourages you to remain mindful of your own feelings and emotions as you move into deeper physical connection. In sex, this helps us not to go straight into "automatic" mode and loose all sense of our own bodily sensations and pleasure.
Exercises where I diagnose where any unhelpful dynamics exist that block you from progressing to intimate touch. I ask you in try to physically connect with me(and one another), whilst standing face-to-face and watch what happens to your body(s). It reveals where the issues lie without you speaking.
I demonstrate how you can overcome the issues by instructing you to act out new strategies to build trusting connection using techniques such as eye-gazing and mutual chest pressing.
The work we do in this first section is key to everything that follows.
Discussion of transparency, listening and acceptance between sexual partners in order to engender trust and closeness. Examples and exercises to demonstrate effective conflict resolution that brings your closer together instead of pushing you apart.
Discussion of the work of Dr John Gottman and his "Relationship Lab" to identify the key attributes of a strong and enduring partnership.
Discussion of "shadows" and "triggers"; what they are, how they affect our behaviour and what they tell us about ourselves.
The use of breath-work to to overcome our habitual the "fight-or-flight" responses to triggers such as being touched by strangers or asking for touch.
The orgasm gap refers to the typical difference that men and women experience in reaching orgasm. I will explain the science behind it. If you come with someone, I can explore any mismatches you may have your relationship and close the gap for you.
Being a sensual masseur, I have first hand experience with helping my clients reach satisfying orgasms by tuning into what they need and adjusting my technique. I have had female clients who can't remember the last time they orgasmed, enjoying multiple peaks at my hands for the first time in their lives. I also know how to keep men who normally have problems with premature orgasm at the "edge" for 30 minutes or more so that they experience a full-body O for the first time.
We all have different overlaps between physical and mental arousal(concordance), with men typically at 50% and women just 10%. It means that women usually have more emotional blockers to be overcome before feeling horny enough, even though they tend to get wet and swollen fairly readily. It is much miss-understood by men and women alike.
I will find out where each of you sit in your non-concordance by asking you some questions and then talk about how your approach to sex might change to make things hornier in bed. I will demonstrate some hands-on sensual massage techniques to up your foreplay skills.
This is where the name SkinMap came from.
Discussion of The Wheel Of Consent then exercises such as the three minute game on the massage table to explore and discover how and where each of you like to be touched and where using various sensory toys and devices. Emphasis on asking for and giving consent to touch and be touched and giving clear feedback.
We will use devices and toys such as cock-rings, vibrators, dildos butt-plugs etc.
We will explore temperature play, to add a whole new dimension.
I ask you to score the pleasure intensity of each kind of touch to build a unique pleasure map of your body with a 1-10 grading system.
Exploration of your non-genital and genital, anatomy - naming different areas and locating and stimulating yours together(hand mirror for owner!). Learning and sharing what feels good for you by using feedback as you are touched by yourself and me/us. I encourage you to show me/us how you masturbate as it is a valuable guide for your partner and to lead the following section.
Exercises in manual sensual/sexual arousal techniques with the giver using just their hands and body. I will share with you some cock, balls, perineum, prostate and pussy massage techniques you may not have used before and show how variations in what you do, how hard and how quickly are key to building arousal. Lots of lube is always key. We will draw on what we discovered about you from the previous section around toys, temperature play etc.
* Exercises in oral sensual/sexual arousal techniques. Emphasis on gradual, teasing journey down, eye-to-eye connection, checking in verbally to find out what is working, praising the genitals, making sounds and variation of pressure and motion of tongue, teeth and lips. Use of suction and vibration of the lips to make a mouth "vibrator". We will bring temperature play to this as well.
* Exercises in penetrative sex with a focus on maximising erotic sensations for your anatomy and fit together. Penis, vulva and vagina shapes and sizes vary enormously and so each coupling is unique.
* If you come alone then to be by manual demonstration only, on your body and/or with the aid of fruit!
Discussing group sex; how to bring it up safely.
Determining whether your relationship is ready for group sex(see first section).
How using a safe, professional sensual massage service like mine to tip your toe into how a threesome might feel is invaluable.
Using porn and fantasy sharing as a sexy way to explore it further.
Finding people to do it with. Including a frank discussion of what sex parties can be like.
The danger of having too high expectations or acting independently.
Exploration of the importance of dominance and submission and why it is so important to heighten arousal and orgasm for most.
Play with temperature
Rough sex done safely, with an emphasis on clear consent
How Dirty talk before and during sex can boost your arousal and excitement by heightening expectation and fantasy. Using dirty talk connects us with and ignites our "animal" brain directly - that part that we normally feel disgusted by. All of us need do this to make sex the raw, urgent activity it needs to be for us to really enjoy it and make the release of orgasm more intense and satisfying.
Bondage, kink and role-play including the importance of sensory deprivation in foreplay and fantasy. I'll ask each of you to select a top role-play fantasy and then help you to realise it in the room together for one-another. I am experienced in improvisational comedy.
How watching porn and discussing fantasies is an important and normal aspect of communication within a healthy relationship, contrary to popular belief.
Discussion of jealousy and how it can be seen as an opportunity for growth and exploration instead of a destructive emotion that triggers crisis.
Cheating and how it can be overcome if the reasons it happens are explored instead of a focus only on agreement-breaking and betrayal.
In order to able to integrate what you learn and experience into your life, you will initially need to be able to create your own "space" for practising it outside of the workshop. Otherwise you will probably just go back to old habits.
I am not talking about a physical space, but a mental space that you can(both) be in that recreates the feelings and desires you had during the workshop exercises.
Once you have managed to do this a few times at home, it will become integrated in your brains as your new normal behaviours in intimate situations.
We will discuss and agree what you need to do to create your own integration environment so that you are truly improved in your intimate behaviours forever - a new playful, innocent you that will radiate out to all other aspects of your relating too.
Finding happiness in everything you do, including in your relationships is possible when you enter a state of "flow". Find out more.
Sometimes called the 4 Quadrants, or the Wheel of Desire. Giving, Receiving, Taking and Allowing - what they are, how the fit together and what they have to teach us about ourselves.
Find out why cuddle therapy produces the feelgood hormone oxytocin without sex and how it boosts wellbeing.
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