Sexually-healing massage Brighton

Orgasm during a healing treatment is not the intention (but still a very likely outcome) as in sensual massage. Instead, you might use it to help you to overcome the blocks that are currently preventing you fully appreciating your body, improving not only your sex life, but your outlook on life more widely. You will, of course, create more opportunities for satisfying intimate connection by dating more confidently, communicating your needs, and therefore attracting lovers who can meet you in that assertive vulnerability too.

When you are completing the Information and Consent form, please click "Healing" in the "What vibe to you desire?" section

Sex-coaching is more holistic in that it isn't a only focused upon realisation of your own sexuality, but a way of guiding you towards better relating with others. It is therefore much better suited to couples bookings, where you have both identified areas for improvement and perhaps after having taken the massage described below.

All external emotional experiences (sexual or otherwise) can be stored in our "shadow" (reptilian brain's amygdala region) as unhelpful emotional triggers to situations, environments or people that cause physical, embodied responses such as shortness of breath, sweating, flushes or blood and even break-outs of itchy "hives" on the skin. So, they are not simply stored in the amygdala but are also experienced (some say "stored") in the body.

With sexual triggers, the location of those physical responses will likely be parts of the genitals so that there is a numbness to stimulation that you just can't break though. Either we have very little response or worse still, an unpleasant, almost painful response to erotic stimulation of the mind and/or body. We simply can't enjoy sex because our genitals are being hijacked at exactly the time we need them to be receptive.

Maybe you recognise some of the following causes of unhelpful, stored triggers?

• I was sexually abused as a child or adult
• I have been shamed about my body by friends, family or colleagues
• Parents said that sex was something I shouldn't think about
• My religion has taught me that it is impure to have lustful fantasies or masturbate
• Partner(s) never honoured my genitals with hands and mouths for extended periods
• Partner(s) have shut down my kinky requests and sexual fantasies
• I have been told that my dirty-talk is disgusting and/or aggressive
• As a man I feel ashamed of my sexual urges because "they" say masculinity is toxic
• As a woman, I want to initiate sex more, but fear people will look down on me
• I am anxious about "squirting" as I reach orgasm 
• My partner or I have been unfaithful and sex isn't the same now

Many of these blocks won't involve genuine trauma, but we are all unique (and you don't have to have any in order to benefit from taking this service).

If you feel triggered into fight, flight, freeze just by reading the preceding section, please read this before proceding.

I will take the time to properly listen, empathise and understand where any stored triggers (if any) have come from, and how it manifests in your body. Then I will establish what your desired outcomes are (always) and what negative issues you are currently experiencing when connecting with your sexual self and/or sexual partners. In all of this, we are building a trusting connection that will allow us to feel relaxed enough for intimate touch therapy to be effective.

I would strongly recommend that we do this via a video call of around 30 minutes minimum (the first 15 minutes charged will be credited against your in-person visit!).

If we agree that an in-person massage feels appropriate and will help you (a lot will depend upon the feeling of trust and connection from the meeting), then you will go ahead and choose your slot.

You may bring a partner or friend free of charge and you must invite them to the video call too please. 

I use Betty Martin's The Wheel of Consent to inform my work and keep the space safe for us both. In addition, you can both read more about me and testimonials from previous clients for reassurance before making a decision on whether to book. I follow the Sexological Bodyworker's Code Of Conduct except for a couple of things giving you the choice for me to be naked and/or to touch me sexually, that I explain in detail below.

"The Wheel" teaches us how to enjoy touch with others safely, whether giving, receiving, taking or allowing to take. I encourage you to take advantage of the opportunity during your session to reflect upon, and process and accept (without judgement), embodied sensations that arise during connection. Embracing your boundary-fluidity (granting yourself and others the freedom to change your minds in sexual situations) and respecting other people's feelings by not just rejecting the kind of touch they are offering or requesting, is key to embracing safe sexual exploration in the future and not offending sexual partners.

You may bring a friend or partner to your session and they need to book free of charge.

I can be either partially or fully naked if it feels appropriate for you, with an emphasis on normalising it and I am modelling to you that nakedness is perfectly natural state of being in an intimate setting. In this the way my own code varies from The sexological bodyworker code of conduct, in that it would only allow me to be naked in a workshop setting, and not your 1:1 session:

"In workshop contexts, practitioners exercise appropriate judgment on working partially or completely unclothed where removing their clothes may help to model and guide students/participants more fully into the exercise, to demonstrate the practice, or to normalize and model a healthy relationship with their bodies. If CSBs choose to remove their clothes it is incumbent upon them to maintain boundaries, safety and care of the container, by anticipating and attending to whatever may arise for the student/participants because of CSBs nudity."

Touching me sexually is permitted (with my consent and either directly or over my clothes) within the context of experientially teaching The Wheel of Consent if it benefits your journey towards feeling relaxed with negotiating intimate touch with others and not with the intention of my arousal. Again, this is a my variation from section 6(e) of The sexological bodyworker code of conduct:

"In individual sessions CSBs remain clothed when touching their students and sexual touch is uni-directional, practitioner to student. ‘Sexual touch’ in this context means touch which is genital and/or whose specific intention is to sexually arouse. For example, when guiding people into experiencing the quadrants of the Wheel of Consent®, to cover it fully the practitioner and student would spend time in all 4 quadrants, which could involve the practitioner being touched (in the Accept & Allow quadrants). When students wish to learn interpersonal sexual skills, CSBs request that students bring their partners or invite them to share and learn with other students. When appropriate and available, CSBs work in a triadic model with other practitioners whose scope of practice includes working in a sexually intimate capacity with their students/clients."

Ultimately, we must both still agree that an intimate massage feels appropriate and the consent to be touched you signed up to on booking can be modified at any time, without fear of judgement by me.  You retain autonomy of choice at all times and that includes choosing to adjust or even terminate the naked touch stage at any time. You are the client and it is my time that you have booked to use as you feel appropriate.

Equally, I retain autonomy of choice as to what kind of touch I am comfortable to receive, without fear of judgement by you.

If you currently feel you would like to go ahead with a treatment, and want to meet face-to-face for that initial chat during the session, that also works for me. You must bear in mind that it means much less time can be spent doing the treatment in that session (unless we agree an extended one at a higher price), but most clients will book a series of appointments with me anyhow as it is a typically a process of healing that gets more effective as we build trust in that very intimate setting.

I should point out that payment (on arrival) is non-refundable because you have booked my time, and not what happens during. 

If you are bringing a friend or partner then they book the same slot here, after you have booked below.

The session length depends upon your service selection and may be extended by agreement. 

We must work to build a trusting, relaxed, anticipatory atmosphere in the room before the touching starts, and so it is really important that we follow a path that invites us into a state of physical attunement.

When you physically arrive, I use a guided meditation to help your mind to "arrive" with your body, into the safe space of my room; for us both to be fully present, with awareness, in the moment, together.  

We then do some intention-setting, eye-gazing and gradual (clothed) negotiation of touch and agree how we will transition to you being naked. This bit can also involve a short Belly2Belly-style meditation lying on a mattress, if it feels right.

We agree our boundaries and which of those are more are "fluid" (open for further check-in and agreement during your orgasmic excitement phases (I do not intend to follow you, obviously, and that will have been agreed already).

We discuss and agree and what our unique communication preferences will look like during the massage. Humans have complex and unique "languages" of sensual/sexual pleasure that need to be understood by people we are in intimate connection with and, often your blocks will be related to an absence of such "love-making" language in relationships. We discuss:

• Spoken words (including "dirty-talk") that you enjoy or dislike
• Vocal sounds of appreciation/dislike such as moans or gasps
• Safe words to be used to pause or even stop completely
• Movements you instinctively make such as writhing and grinding
• Gestures with your hands
• Hand grips in response to me holding your hand
• How you feel about your natural lubrication, squirting and/or ejaculation
• You watching me as I touch you
• Touching and/or caressing me

I then invite you to transition to nakedness in the way you have chosen to and you will end up face down on the table, covered with a blanket to begin. I then gradually begin the hands-on work, starting with a series of trust-building, grounding massage techniques over the blanket. From there, touch becomes increasingly intimate with the blanket eventually being slowly dragged off to reveal your nakedness and you will hopefully welcome that vulnerability by then.

I awaken your senses at your pace by really tuning in to your responses and, in many ways, it is a very connected journey together where I have the added responsibility of ensuring that I am serving your needs, not my own, and that I am holding a safe space for you throughout. That is critical to your mind and body being able to open to my touch, and especially when I eventually and mindfully start to massage your genital region.

By mindfully manipulating your whole genital region, inside and out, I help to break down your mind and body's resistance to orgasmic release. The well-proven theory behind this process is that we have created the ideal conditions under which you are able to bring innocent curiosity to the places where your embodied responses manifest, without triggering the unhelpful state(s) that normally accompany them. It is exactly the same science behind other PTSD (post traumatic stress) talking therapies and the emerging mainstream acceptance of the power of guided psychedelic therapy. We have just lowered the unhelpful armour that has developed in response to intimate touch to allow your brain to start making new pleasure paths!😍

We finish with a "closing" talk where we reflect upon how it felt, any emotions that arose (both difficult or pleasurable), and discuss where we agree and disagree about the dynamic. We identify areas and things that I did with my hands that felt pleasurable so that you can start to make a map of your genital region that you can use to better understand and communicate. This authentic sharing is key to integration afterwards for you because you will need to make a plan as to how you will continue your practice afterwards through solo self-pleasure and/or with a lover.

The effects are usually long-lasting after just one session although you may consider booking a series of appointments, depending upon the outcome of each.